Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
