I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize