He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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