i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
