All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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