you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
