I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
