I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
