I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
