I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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