We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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