I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
