**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
