What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
