sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
