you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
