Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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