No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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