is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
