Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
