does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
