I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
