Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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