i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
