Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize