Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
