Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize