When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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