Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
