I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
