I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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