that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
