pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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