Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
