we're blogging at a bar
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
