Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
