I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
