I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
