the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
