Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
