I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
