I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just invented taco cereal.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
