Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
