sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
