I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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