If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
