Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
