2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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