nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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