There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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