I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
