if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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