bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
