I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
