Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
