I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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