I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
