i just had sex bonerless
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
