I'm so fucking centered right now
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
