My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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