i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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