My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I AM VODKA MAN
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
