Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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