I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
