I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize