Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Semen is not good for contacts.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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