I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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